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View Full Version : The tale of Azziz the Magician


Oyvay
08-22-2007, 09:33 AM
"Magicians are not often a surly lot, we’ve more and more become accustomed to our own limitations and our abilities are not as awe inspiring or flashy as that of some occupations, unless you’ve managed to find three or more of us gathered together, but that’s a different tale.

You see, there are too few of us that roam the byways and highways of Norrathian soil and though that makes for a proud but solitary brotherhood, it also leads to some interesting escapades when dealing with others. For sometimes, what you don’t know, can hurt you.

This tale begins about oh, nigh unto a year ago, perhaps earlier. I was but a Magician newly come into the 57th Rank and had resolved to take a break from the toil, as it were, of leveling.

It had come into my head that I could do what others had done for relaxation, and I succumbed to the simple lure that often befalls those that reach a state of ennui; yes, I too twinked a Monk, from Freeport no less!

Now, unlike some people, I had a rather large lead in the arts of excessive monk twinkage for my beloved was of the Monkly persuasion…(If I drink enough, perhaps I’ll tell you the benefits of carousing such a specimen in prime physical form, but I digress).

Needless to say, due to some overt generosity and a bit of minor spending on my part, I soon found myself the proud owner of a exceedingly geared monk’ette. Afterall, if you’re going to twink, you might as well A.) do it right, and B.) make the world a more beautiful place.

Time passed, and as I finally finished badgering Dao about ”blah, blah, blah, Monk’ette rules! blah, blah, blah, Train which?, blah, Wu’s what? Blah, blah...” I managed to level this erstwhile little princess of the platinum goddess, to the heady heights of the 8th rank.

There I am, mindfully enjoying the fruits of Fluffy’s farming as I decide to run back to West Freeport to sell and ostensibly buy more supplies. After all, who needs a healer when you can kill for an hour on a stack of bandages and a modicum of skill? As I entered into the alleyways of West Freeport, I overheard the following:

Random_Newb_01: ”Can anyone help me, Please?… I can’t get to my body!”

So of course, me being the empty-headed, flouncy, fun-bag filled Monk’ette that I am, (Damnable leather tunic), I’m not thinking clearly and actually send a tell to this fellow.

Me: “Hi there, are you okay?”

Newb_01: “Oh please, can you help me? I went into the arena and now they won’t let me get my body…”

Blonde Me: “Who’s they? And why did you ever go into the arena?”

Not_so_newb_01: “I went to help a friend, and now some guy won’t let me loot my body without killing me. Can you go in and hold them off till I drag my body out?”

Never let it be said that I’m the most brilliant or guileless of people. It smelled like a fish-story, complete with scales and the mermaid tale, but what am I going to do eh? It could have been a valid, honest-to-god real life, newb-in-distress situation. So, yeah… I bought that bridge in Brooklyn baby…

Who Me?: “I don’t know if I can do that, I’m only 8th right now, and not much in a fight…”

Sales_Newb_01: “No, no, it should be okay, I don’t want you to fight them, just hold them off long enough for me to get out of there… please?”

Gullible Me: “Sure, let me see what I can do, are you ready?”

Happy_Newb_01: “Oh, thank you very much!!”

Yeah so, I drop down into that little lovely octagon of sand, stone walls, and human-kindness known as the Freeport Arena. Next thing I know, me being the erstwhile defender of the newb’d and downtrodden, I'm on the business end of a pair of roguish blades.

I could have “sworn” I felt a Bloodpoint in there somewhere. There may have been a Ranger in the corner as well, but I think the poor guy only got in a couple of bowstrings worth before the Assling Rogue oh so generously engaged the backstab maneuver and thereby proceeded to grease his right arm, up to the shoulder probably (220+ BS hurts at lvl 8 ), with most of my vital bodily fluids.

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Okay so, I zone back into West Freeport from East all the while hearing an:
“I’m so sorry, (ROFL) I just couldn’t help myself” from the Rogue, aka Uber_Newb_01.

My personal favorite was his reply when I had asked why he would take advantage of a strangers kindness like that:
“Oh, I just wanted to test the new weapons I had bought…they worked great!!”

Yeah, like an Orc Pawn wouldn’t have been a better Backstab Dummy then my happy ass? So to add insult to injury, after toying with me a few minutes as I stood there overlooking my broken, bleeding, battered corpse, the stinking Assling up and hands me two gems, worth ~50pp give or take some Charisma. Oh yeah, not only am I more useful as a DPS testing Dummy then an Orc Pawn, but now I’m being paid to loot my corpse?

Insert Expletive Deleted Here

This tale would be over by now except for the small yet significant phrases I heard over Shout as I was walking back to East Freeport:

Not_So_Random_Newb_01: ”Can anyone help me, Please?… I can’t get to my body!”

Hmm, boy that sounds familiar. It’s at this point that cute little monk’ette lost her temper. How dare that ratcatching, crab infested, cottonpicking, cabbage humper even think to try this @#%$ again? Oh HELL no.

T-minus one minute and counting, Zizzy’s zoning into West Freeport Anonymous and angry enough to chew malachite and @#%$ Fire Pets. So yeah, Load up an Air pet, gear it up, buff it up, memorize a full range of Fast Cast’s, dispels, PBAoE’s, and Big-Bertha style Magician class loving and I head my way to the Arena.

Do you guys have any idea how satisfying it was to drop into that pit of sand and enclosed space, turn around slowly while staring down the two invised antagonists of this little tale, and realize that not only do you have a full field of fire, but the entire arena is your kill zone and you don’t have to Fire-For-Effect at all.

I quickly turned and Scars ‘o Sigil’d the Ranger followed up by an 880 Bolt that had the misfortune to critical. Ooops, my mistake, no really I was pretty broken up to see that Ranger hightail it out of the Arena like his ass was on fire (which it was considering that he had maybe a half bubble of red left and if I broke wind he’d have been pushing daisies). Mr. Assling Rogue however was having technical difficulties in dealing with me, since it’s rather hard to get into a prime Backstab position with an Air pet quad’n your ass into stunlock for looking at his Master the wrong way. Funny how that works.

In the end, the little Assling ran just out of the boundaries of the Arena and waited to see what I would do. Stubborn little @#%$, isnt’ he? So yeah, I’m facing the wrong way while fluffy invis’d and paced close by. Every time that Rogue so much as put a foot into the Arena, ole Faithful would up and smack his happy ass. I eventually twisted around and blocked his exit from the arena during one happy foray. Did you know that an Assling couldn’t easily exit from the West Freeport Arena with an Erudite standing in the doorway? Pity isn’t’ it?

Panicky_newb_01: “OMG, OMG, please, please don’t kill me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I won’t do it again! Was that your monk?”

Irate_Magician_01: “Yeah, that was my little monk’y, and now you’ve met Fluffy!!”

Desperate_newb_01: “Dude, I didn’t mean to, it was just a joke! Don’t kill me. Please! I’m bound in Dreadlands! Oh God!”

Mollified_Magician_01: “Bah…fine, fine, whatever. Just don’t go and abuse people’s inherent good will man, there are too few honest folks left in this game.”

Grateful_newb_01: “Oh I won’t I promise! I’m sorry for all this!”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you’re all thinking. I should have waxed that punk and showered little bits of Charred Assling all over Freeport, but as it turned out good things do come to those who wait. As I left the Arena and was on the way to just logging off and pouring myself a stiff drink, the little piglet porking, cactus pucker sent me yet another tell:

Assling_Rogue_01: “Wow man… you 60th or something, cause dude I never seen anyone do that in an arena before.”

Grumpy_Magician_01: “No, I’m 57th, if I was 60th, you’d be dead by now.”

Ignorant_Pud_Rucker_01: “Dude, seriously? Hey… could you do me a favor? I could really use a Bind…”

Devout_Christian_Mage_01: “You’re really bound in Dreadlands?”

Roguish_Statistic_01: “Honestly, I am. Can you help me out? No hard feelings and all?”

Servant_Of_Allah_01: “Of course, I’d be happy to. No charge, since you did give me those gems…”

Who me? Grinning like a Cheshire cat not only in the cream, but fur-deep in Kitty Porn and Catnip, I proceeded to lovingly bind the Aforementioned Rogue next to the West Gate in Freeport. Now, in my defense, I’m normally not a violent Magician, but when such a situation presents itself I could not resist the temptation to put the fear of God into this little twerp. Did I mention I hate Asslings in general?

So yeah, the little fella never disbanded. I couldn’t’ resist. I just casually dispersed my air pet and walked away, knowing that the little rogue was probably in tells with one or another of his friends, bragging about what he just got away with.

Azziz steps down into the Arena…

You have Entered a PVP Area
You have Entered a PVP Area

Azziz summons an Earth Pet and buffs him…

Vengeful_Magician_01: Shout: “You will not EVADE me!!”

Azziz casts Call of the Hero.



Bewildered_Assling_01: Shout: “What the Hell?”

You have been Summoned

You have Entered a PVP Area
You have Entered a PVP Area

Your feet sink into the ground

Scared_Spitless_Assling_01: “Holy Shi…”

Loading Please Wait

You have entered West Freeport

Vindictive_Magician_01: Shout: “You will not EVADE me!!”

Azziz casts Call of the Hero.

Unbelievably_Fubar’d_Assling_01: Shout: “OMG, what are you…”

You have been Summoned

You have Entered a PVP Area
You have Entered a PVP Area

Your feet sink into the ground

Loading Please Wait

And for the next few minutes, which probably seemed like an Eternity to this miserably ignorant little spunk gargling Cabbage Humper, all he saw cross his screen was:

Vicious_Mage_01: Shout: “You will not EVADE me!!”

You have been Summoned

You have Entered a PVP Area
You have Entered a PVP Area

Your feet sink into the ground

Loading Please Wait

You have Entered West Freeport

Again…

Shout: “You will not EVADE me!!”

You have been Summoned

You have Entered a PVP Area
You have Entered a PVP Area

Your feet sink into the ground

Loading Please Wait

You have Entered West Freeport

And Again…

Shout: “You will not EVADE me!!”

You have been Summoned

You have Entered a PVP Area
You have Entered a PVP Area

Your feet sink into the ground

Loading Please Wait

You have Entered West Freeport

And Again…

Shout: “You will not EVADE me!!”

You have been Summoned

You have Entered a PVP Area
You have Entered a PVP Area

Your feet sink into the ground

Loading Please Wait

You have Entered West Freeport

I think his entire world revolved around those simple, elegant, yet ever so satisfying messages coming to his computer. I must’ve summoned that guy a good nine or ten times. I was medding and letting Mudball beat the ever-living-bejezus out of that guy. The entire time that poor schmuck was shouting little endearments like:

“OMG, Make it stop, Make it stop!!”

or

“Why are you doing this to me!”

my favorite being:

“Help, anybody, help! PLEASE!”

I could tell you that I stopped slaughtering him out of the goodness of my heart, or that wallpapering the arena with his broken, and bleeding bodies was finally getting to me. I could even say that a small dollop of mercy, that ever-so-rare quality, entered into my soul after seeing the tenth assling body litter the sands of the arena.

But I’d be lying.

Sadly, there are limits to my cruelty and sense of righteous and furious wrath.

It’s called a Mana-Bar… and mine ran empty.

DriftFeklar
08-22-2007, 11:35 AM
Hiya Oyvay! Miss seeing you around!

This has always been one of my favorite stories.

:devillaugh:It never fails to leave me laughing....:devileyebrows:



:devilshades: